Random Musings

Business Cards

2008-08-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

So today has been a pretty good day business card wise.

It all started when I asked my boss if we could do one of those fish bowl business cards you see sometimes at restaurants. He said yes! I was so excited. Hopefully I remember to bring a bowl.

He did ask me why I collect business cards, and I said, "Because I'm cheap."

Also, today I hit 1400 business cards. Meridian Self-Storage is the lucky one, which I stopped by on a whim. I actually had to turn around to get to the office. It was probably about 100 degrees in my sweatshirt. (And no -- I wasn't taking it off.) Other cards I got today were City Gym and three from PartEZon! because my first one went through the wash. :(

This was better than yesterday, when I went to 10 or 15 places and none of them had cards but the ones that were closed. Except Cash and Carry (or whatever it's called), but I was afraid I would walk out with a payday loan that I don't need.

But the most exciting! I have Carole Barrowman's card! John Barrowman's sister! I never exepected to get it when I asked, and even after she emailed me that she would send me one (I didn't tell anyone except Missy because what if it got lost in the mail?).

Her website is pretty cool. I especially like reading the essays. My favorite is "Shopping with Captain Jack" and not just because it has John in it. My second favorite is "Naked Truth" though the naked truth is that I didn't read the whole thing because I had to start working. But it was pretty funny.

So someday, if there's ever a book signing in Seattle or Vancouver, and she's there (and I'm there, but duh), I'll probably shout, "I have your business card!"

...which I only do every time I see someone or someplace that I have a card for.

Thank you, Carole. I love the card. It's a wonderful addition to my collection. I bet everyone at work gets tired of hearing about it.

Kyra Talking About the Carnival

2008-05-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

Annie: Tell me about the carnival.

Kyra: I get a unicorn, a unicorn picture and i got a duckie and got a spikie or a spikie ... what is that called? (What are you writing down? What is that? What, Annie? What are you writing down?) ... And porcipine. And what else did I get? A rose. What else did I get? A yo yo.

Annie: How did you get your unicorn?

Kyra: Well, I got [the car] all the way to the top (first), then I won the unicorn. ... 'Winner winner. Big winner! Whose a big winner? Big winner, big winner.' 'All right. Thank you.' Then we left.

We played water race, where you have to get your car to the top first by aiming at the clowns mouth. KK struggled with it; the first time she couldn't even get the water to move. I ended up winning, and the selfish person I am, I didn't let her pick the prize. This is because they had an orca 'tuffy' that I wanted for my mom. We tried a few more times, with me helping KK aim, but she got so excited she was jumping up and down.

We went back a little later, and played just by ourselves, me versus her. She wanted the unicorn toy that was the top prize. Of course, she couldn't really do it by herself, so I had to try to shoot both of ours at the same time. Which was hard because she was jumping up and down. We finally did get the unicorn she wanted though.

That was only my second favorite part, though. The second time we went on the merry go round, I had to go with her (because she's short). She kept yelling, "Whee-haw, cowboy!" (which she says whenever she gets excited). Then all of a sudden (to make the horses go faster, she later explained) she yelled, "Kitty up! Kitty up!"

Business Cards

2008-03-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

Today I got a letter in the mail. It wasn't as thick as most of the non-junk mail I receive. Mostly it's people sending me cards from the IBCC. As a welcome gift. I have nearly 11 hundred cards cataloged and I still have a few more to do.

But anyway, I thought it was weird that it wasn't thick. So I looked to see where it was from. No return address. And then, all of a sudden, I realized my name and address were written in my own handwriting. (Why would you look to see who it was addressed to when you're the only one receiving mail?)

Saratoga responded to my request to send me some cards to add to my collection. I send them a letter earlier this week telling them I wanted to because I really like their name (blame John Barrowman, but I didn't tell them that.) They sent me doubles of each card. I called them and told them how great they are.

2007-12-21T07:35:00.000-08:00

Songs for People

2007-11-24T06:19:00.000-08:00

I got thinking about this the other day, after seeing a post on youtube, so here's the results:

HB. Also, my characters Hai and Blaise. (Sorry about the video, it's the only one I could find with John Barrowman singing the song ... and I don't like the way it sounds with the other guy.)

Also, a song for ... well, she doesn't have a code name. But it doesn't matter. I don't really have any characters for this song, because L J would never hesitate, and Blaise was forced and those are the only two stories that have any ... 'romance' in them.

50 K

2007-11-18T20:03:00.001-08:00

The winning word: boat.

Winning sentence: There are really pictures, too, of me and Hai together on a huge fishing boat.

Sticker from Nano

2007-11-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

Today's Spotlight: Chico

2007-11-10T20:41:00.001-08:00

Although Chico is usually portrayed as being 15 years old, no matter the year, she is really only about seven years old. She was created around the year 2000.

Orignially, she starred in her own show with her best friend, Sno. They called it The Chico and Sno Show. The show interviewed many famous stars, and also characters from movies, t v shows and books.

It is notable for many reasons, but mainly as being the first piece of fiction that the two were in.

Chico was described in the theme song as being "the funny one." She always wrote the guest stars names on her hand and always got them wrong. She also, in every episode, refer to a brother who was in a related line of work. It is unclear whether she has many brothers, one brother with many jobs, or made everything up.

Sno is described as being "the loony one." She is actually not at all loony. She is quiet and shy, and often takes a backseat to her friend's antics.

Chico and Sno have experienced many unique things. They had visited Cocoa Beach, Florida and met astronauts Roger Healey and Tony Nelson. They ran away one summer to see the Sliders in San Fransisco. They worked at the end of the world, and in outer space.

Recently, Chico and Sno stowed away on an aircraft to work on the show "Cape Summerland" despite child labor laws. Though it is not their first look behind the scenes (they dealt with several dramatic things while filming C & S), it is their first time on a parallel world.

Though Cape Summerland has left the world, Chico and Sno returned to shoot their own reality show there, called "The Chico and Sno Reality Show," where they both star as contestants, and Sno does double duty also being the host.

Half Way Home

2007-11-10T20:16:00.000-08:00

At this rate, I will be finished on the 20th.

For QWEST

2007-11-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

Because I hardly ever talk. Actually, because this was the first time I was there and I was actually bursting to talk. But I thought it was kind of off-subject. So here it is.

I don't understand why coming out has to be a big deal. I mean, I know that it is, but I don't know why it has to be. I try so hard to figure out what the difference between hetero- and homosexuality is.

Let me clarify. This is my understanding: hetero: girl likes boy. Homo: girl likes girl (or boy likes boy).

That's it. That's the difference. So why is it such a big deal when someone is gay? Why does everyone get so freaked out? (By everyone, let me clarify, I do not mean literally everyone. I mean the people who freak out.) I mean, what do they think the difference is? Is there some difference between hetero and homo relationships that I'm not aware of?

This is how I think it should be. Little Eliza Jane comes home after school, and says something like, "Can I have a friend over for dinner? And we're kind of dating, so don't embarrass me in front of him, okay?"

Mom's all like, "Sure, whatever, sweetheart. But I'm making liver and onions for dinner."

Next week, little Eliza Jane comes home after school, and say, "Me and Little Jimmy broke up. But now I'm dating this really cool girl, is it okay if she comes over for dinner?"

"Of course, sweetheart. But I'm making meat surprise for dinner."

What does it really matter who anyone's attracted to? I'm not saying that everyone should be bisexual, I just don't understand why they have to make such a big deal out it if you aren't straight.

Maybe I just watch too much Captain Jack. "You people and your quaint categories."

Note to self

2007-11-05T18:40:00.000-08:00

Haichelle

Random Thoughts from Roo

2007-11-04T20:03:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to JB for the majority of the day -- as in, the entire time I've been awake, and he has this duet with Ruthie Henshall (who, as a side note, I have another random thought about) for the song "Anything you Can Do."

And here's what I can't figure out. They always sing stuff like "Anything you can say, I can say faster," and then JB says, "I can say anything faster than you," and RH says, "No you can't."

Shouldn't she say "anything" really fast?

I mean, when I sing the song, I sing it, "I can say anything faster than you (No you can't) Anything (No you can't) Anything" etc.

And Ruthie Henshall -- she was in Putting it Together, and has the dance with JB and I once told my co-worker that I wished I could be JB during that dance, and she's all like "Oh, you just want to dance with him."

But you know, if I was JB, I wouldn't be onstage dancing with him. I'd be dancing with RH.

To You

2007-11-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

Now this song will always make me think of you.

Think of me, think of me fondly
when we said goodbye
remember me every so often
promise me you'll try
on that day, that no so distant day
when you are far away and free
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

and though it's clear
though it was always clear
that this was never meant to be
if you happen to remember
stop and think of me

Voice Mail

2007-11-04T08:24:00.000-08:00

I would just like to say, anyone who calls me today (and I don't answer the phone) is in for a real treat. A candid moment of my lack of dignity.

I tried to change my message. I have a special one, for Nano, but I keep putting it off.

So I freaked out because I didn't know what was going on, and then dropped the phone.

I would change it, but it's kind of cute.

The transcript:

(Long pause)

Me: Uh ... hold on! Hold on, I don't know what I'm doing! Hello? Oh, god.

TMC's "Reflections From Broadway"

2007-11-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

1 Invocation and Instructions to the Audience (The Frogs)
2 Summer Nights [Danny] (Grease)
3 Oh What a Beautiful Morning (Oklahoma!)
4 You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile (Annie)
5 There's a Fine, Fine Line (Avenue Q)
6 Where do I go? (Hair)
7 Jacob and Sons (Joesph)
8 Anything Goes (Anything Goes)
9 Everything That I Am (Tarzan)
10 High Flying Adored (Evita)
11Marry Me a Little (Company)
12 Why God Why (Miss Saigon)
13 Old Friends (Merrily we Roll Along)
14 If I can't Love Her (Beauty and the Beast)
15 Buddy's Blues (Follies)
16 Not Getting Married Today (Putting It Together)
17 I Am What I Am (La Cage Aux Follies)

character generator

2007-11-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

I found this "cool" character generator online ...

I was trying to describe a character of mine in some sort of detail, except that looks are not very important to me. Hair doesn't count of course.

So the character I used was

"A curvaceous woman wearing a blue skirt. She has sunken blue eyes and her bushy bleach-blonde hair is in a feathery bob. She acts bossy, and has a missing finger."

At first, I was like 'no way' and was going to mix and match them. But (except for the hair) I pretty much used it.

Even the missing a finger.

She's sinewy, and wearing a blue skirt. Her eyes are suken and a dull blue gray; her hair long, red and held back by a blue scrunchie. She seems to be some kind of leader, the boss of the company maybe. She's missing one finger.

I can't help do a double take. ... Missing a finger! It's her!

word count

2007-11-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

Dedication (from my novel)

2007-11-01T20:33:00.001-07:00

For my grandma, Becky Downstairs

who dreamed I wrote 200 pages of my nano and still hadn't decided on a topic

and came up with a new idea for every paragraph I wrote

"You want to go see Burnt Taco tonight?"

"I can't. I have nano."

"Oh my god! Is it contagious?"

Return of the Nano

2007-10-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

So I did it tonight. I'm not tired.

DON'T CLICK THIS

Just kidding.

Nano Update

2007-10-30T20:51:00.000-07:00

With only 27 hours to go until Nano officially starts (that's if I did my math right, of course, which I don't count on but seriously how hard can it be?)

Anyway, with just over a day to go, I've completely changed my novel. Just saying.

I just have too many ideas. And then I have this one really good idea. And I can tie all these little ideas into the one big good idea. I'm thinking about making a PB wiki to put everything into. I think those are so great for storing my little pieces.

Like lately, I've been addicted to Torchwood. Because of John, of course, but I just loved the episode with Tosh and Mary. I think I must just be old fashioned, I can't believe they can show that stuff on TV. And don't get me started on Lisa, and Ianto. Seriously. (But just for the record, if she was my gf, it would have gone differently. I think I'll write a story about it.)

But anyway, Captain Harkness just makes want to have a secret organization where I can beat up all my employees. So I've got this little Elf Hunting organization (the modern day ECC. Does anyone remember the original with little Jeri Holt and Hannah Jo?)

But anyway, it's about all the things people that do that bother me, and what I wish would really happen. I don't tell the story from the leader's pov though, beacause I don't want to be in that position.

But anyway, (for the third paragraph in a row), I'll write more about the plot later. In november, perhaps.

QWEST Zine

2007-10-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

Pre Nano

2007-10-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

I am too busy watching this video to work on my prenano. :(

And yeah, I know they aren't really lesbians, and I didn't even really like the song when I first heard it, but it keeps getting stuck in my head. And that girl with the short hair is kinda cute.

Rubix Cube

2007-10-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

I solved it. Without cheating.

John Barrowman!

2007-09-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

John is coming out with a new CD in November. Actually, it comes out in the UK in November, but who cares. I was so excited that I started hopping around the living room. (This is why my neighbors underneath me think I have a kid.) I thought about preordering it to see if they would ship it, but I think I'll just ask for it for Christmas.

(Just for the record, I found out about it while doing research for my Nano. Really. I was thinking about whether I should base Jarrow on John or if I should base him on a song like "Rockstar.")

Every site I've seen about it quotes this: "Another Side" is a collection of songs that "John has long admired and wanted to reinterpret in his own distinctive way."

So I started thinking about what I would do if I did something like that. And just in case I ever do, here's what potentially would be on it.

1. Make Your Own Kind of Music (obviously, as this is "my song")
2. She Says (my favorite song in the world)
3. Meet Virginia (my other favorite song)
4. Best Thing you Never Had
5. Suspicious Minds
6. Fill my Little World (my "tough people" song)
7. Let Her Cry
8. Hero (the John Barrowman one, not sure who orignally sang it)
9. Alcohol
10. She Don't Know She's Beautiful (K's song!)
11. Rebbecca
12. He Mele No Lilo
13. Mission From God (no, I'm not kidding. Just because I wrote it ...)

Preparing for Nano

2007-09-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

Today I took a moment to go back and look at my previous nanos, trying to get some ideas for this year. I wanted to do the one that's in my head, but my mom said I should do a post apocalypse one like I do every year. I only write two "genres" -- kidnapped by aliens or surviving the end of the world.

I didn't get very far in the first one, but the second? I think I'm removed enough from both of them to read them like someone else wrote them. Last Shards I should rewrite at some point. But Life Interrupted is pretty good. It's definitely something I would read, and I have been. There are still some parts that I only used for word count that I would either edit or take out completely. Although, I really like the line, "Speaking of jokes, have you guys ever heard the one about the green ping pong ball?"

And then there's this gem, obviously just for the word count, or else to educate readers. But it feels a little out of place:

“I know you guys don’t approve of fishing, but—”

“No, don’t try to play that card,” she warned. “Back in the Belonging Times, the Department of Health advised women and children not to eat certain fish because they had high mercury content.”

“I know, but …”

“Shark, swordfish, tilefish, king mackerel and fresh-caught tuna are all high in mercury.”

“I seriously doubt any of those fish live in Lake Melisa, even after the Disappearance. But I am impressed that you can still name them all.”

“Have you ever noticed that we never have more than a can of tuna per week? This is serious, Jack. Mercury poisoning is serious. Especially after the Disappearance. There are no rules regulating any thing. I’ve seen people throwing things into the lake. Who knows if they dumped florescent lamps, thermometers, thermostats, car switches, or batteries in there? One drop of the stuff is enough to elevate the mercury level in fish, and one teaspoon holds 70 drops!”

He stared at her. It was times like this that she reminded him of a walking, talking encyclopedia. He was really, truly sorry he had suggested any thing.

I was planning on doing a "disappearance" again this year, because it's an easy way to get rid of a lot of people quick without having to worry about bodies. But now, reading this, I think I might do a "sequel" of sorts. I remember once in middle school my teacher talking about a bunch of books where the characters all ended up in the same town by the end and she thought that maybe the author was going to do one with all the characters or something.

I'm thinking of doing this year's nano about a small group of people (four at the moment, but I think I need more) who also have magic powers. They didn't have any until this morning, when I decided the two stories were related. I am fairly sure that is permitted. After all, I remember reading (obviously) either the first or second year I did this something like, "If you want to write about how Mr. Brown survived the apocaplypse" (they really used that example) "and then the next year continue where you left off, that's not okay. But if you wrote about how Mr. Brown survived and then next year wrote about how Mr. Greene survived, that's okay."

Since last year I wrote mostly about Ace, Jack and Quess, and this year I'm planning to write about Cero, Ginny, Jarrow and Mr. Scill, it's fine. Even if some parts will overlap, like the three wise men. (Oh yeah, and Jarrow actually cameos in last years novel!)

Story

2007-09-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to write this down for awhile.

One Saturday I was hanging out at my sister's house. My dad came over for some reason that ended up on being a lecture about how my sister should not have anymore kids.

Twimmo runs over to her refrigerator to grab Plan B, this weird pill thing my sister got for free from the place that gives her stuff for free.

"Plan B? What about plan A?" he asks. "Do you even know what plan A is?"

"I do, I do!" I say, while waving my hand. A little calmer I add, "Or you could do plan C, like me."

Of course he didn't hear me (which is probably a good thing), but it did come up about a month later on my birthday. We went to the liqueur store together, and he asked if he needed to buy me any birth control. Then he said (shortly after I said the same thing, but again, he didn't hear), "I guess that's not really going to be a problem."

2007-08-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, look. I told her so. I told her that they were going to kidnap Kyra and bring her across the boarder. I told her that. I mean, seriously. Who trusts someone who lives in a hotel because they can't afford an apartment? Someone you met at a playground that doesn't have a kid?

It's not my fault

Z

2007-06-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

Nanoism

2007-06-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

It's a little early in the year, but whatever. I'm writing a short story, based on that one I wrote, about Jarrow after his lifemate, Scill dies.

And so came this line, a brilliant thought from TMC:

"When a horse gets sick, you shoot it without a second shot."

Oh, yeah. I know I say this every week, but I'm in love. I'd ask her out, but that would be kind of awkward.

story

2007-06-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

Just something I thought of today. True story, by the way. I hope to edit it later, and turn it into something about Jarrow instead of me.

I saw a woman staring at me today. I've seen her before, though I try not to. She looked different than I remembered. She looked angry.

We stared at each other for what seemed like hours. The world around me seemed to stop. The longer we stared, the angrier she seemed to get. For a moment, I thought she was going to jump out and hurt me. Or worse.

A ridiculous thought. Even though she hurt me all the time, she wouldn't now. Not the way I saw in her eyes.

Why did she look so angry? Why was she so angry at me?

And why couldn't anybody see that, and make it stop?

Can't Sleep

2007-06-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

I want to say. I really do. I'm so scared. All right, so it's always been like this. Some times are easier than others. Is this worse? who knows? I'm getting careless. I mean, I really don't care. just ask, right? They don't care either. And what could they possibly do anyway? I don't believe they could change anything. People are ignorant anyway. Like they really believe they stories they tell.

Except my mom. she knew. She was so nonchalant. And I lied to her anyway. By omission.

I want to write about it in horrible, graphic detail, as though putting it on paper will make it disappear. It's no story, I know exactly. Exactly.

I feel like one of those chicken or egg puzzles. Did I stop sleeping because of this, or did this happen because I couldn't sleep? endless. And just when I think the circle stops, the world comes crashing back down around my ears.

I know that if I don't "out" myself soon, someone else will. sooner rather than later, i hope. I want them to know. I just want it to stop.

Tegan and Sara

2007-05-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

I know who the youngest Tegan and Sara fan is. Okay, maybe not the youngest, but I can't imagine they have many fans who are under three years old.

You know who I mean, of course. KLM.

It all started Mother's Day weekend. I was taking KK out to Ferndale to make a stepping stone for her Momma. "Walking With a Ghost" was on the tape I had playing in my car.

"This is my song," a voice claims in the backseat.

Soon after, it ended. "Hey, why'd you turn off my song? Turn it back on!"

And so I rewinded the tape. Over and over and over again.

Before we turned onto Oxford, she could sing some of it. (Of course, they're only about fifteen words.)

Now everytime we're in my car, I play "her" song. She can sing all of it. In fact, if you want her to sing it, all you have to do is say "Tegan and Sara."

Edit: I updated KK's blog.

"Bringing Up Ben"

2007-05-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

Now that my niece lives in Bham, and I see her literally every day, I've been doing lots of research on the Internet about three year olds. I pass the advice onto my sister, who actually listens. Sometimes.

Anyway, I found this blog called "Bringing up Ben and Birdie" (though I haven't got to the point where Birdie is born yet.)

I should write about all the things my niece says and does. I would call it "Annie Roo Pirate."

For example:

Today I took KK to the park. The moment we got out the door, she asked, "Annie, do you have money?"

"Yes, I do," I answered, thrilled that she understood the concept.

My excitement didn't last long, though it became clear she did, in fact, understand what money was for. "You can buy me some ice cream from the ice cream truck!"

... right. But that reminds me of a few weeks ago, when KK insisted she wanted "Poscos" for lunch. I thought she was saying "Costco," until she pointed at a box in the garbage can. Popsicles, duh.

At the park, they have this little bridge that moves if you jump on it. My niece hopped excitedly on it, yelling to me, "Let's jump like hobos!"

(Later, I was told that she meant "Bobo" from "Diego," but I liked mine better.)

And the Nightmares Continue

2007-05-24T06:02:00.000-07:00

The first one: KK was throwing a fit. In the middle of Guide Meridian. Her mom and my mom just ignored her. Cars were going by. I was so scared, and screaming. There were trucks going by this tiny three year old at fifty miles an hour! And then when there was a gap in the traffic, they didn't do anything.

My other dream was about my friends and their daughter. And about ski-to-sea, but that part was weird. I know this one came from the baby shower, because it was their daughter's birthday or something. I don't know. But basically, the whole thing was about rejection. Because I don't deal enough with her rejection during the day that I have to deal with it at night, too.

Weird

2007-05-21T20:11:00.000-07:00

I had this weird dream last night. Okay, I always have weird dreams. In fact, I wondered today why I don't ever have dreams like Calvin had. You know, going to school, only to wake and find it was a dream.

I was at work. We were having this meeting. I don't know what about, just that they're weren't enough chairs. We had to share.

The one I was sharing a chair with (I won't say who) suddenly got up and left. I wanted to leave too, but not because she did. Because I really wanted to ... bake cookies. I was really stressed out about sharing a chair. I think it had more to do with the person, though.

Finally, I said I need to use the restroom and went to my car, looking for my cookie sheet. Frantically, in fact. I had lost it.

All my co-workers came out. The office people, the drivers, and about a thousand people I didn't know. In the parking lot, going down the street, all carrying torches and stuff. I don't know what we were attacking, but the scene was pretty scary. And on top of everything, I was already freaked out.

I think it's a pretty good metaphor for how I've felt lately.

So, What's New?

2007-05-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

lots. Some good. Some okay. Some bad.

My sis and neice now live with my parents. It's good for the toddler. I think she likes getting positive attention. My dad calls us "two peas in a pod." I often wonder about the bond between us, if it's just because I'm her aunt, or if there's some reason that I won't know for years, if ever. I like my second theory better.

One of my co-workers came up with a great idea today. The forever stamp. No, not those new stamps. An actual "forever" stamp. Like, it lasts forever. I plan to steal this from her, and sell the idea to the post office. As soon as I figure out how much it would have to cost. Email me for further details.

And to my friend: I don't care if you disapprove. I'm going to write you a story about it anyway. About an elf and his human friend and their relationship that only exists in his head. Well, not really, just in his memories. Their friendship faded and he doesn't know why.

(it could possibly be the cultural differences.)

Somewhat Longer than Four Post-its.

2007-04-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

Here is a story I wrote today. A painfully obvious code, I think. I won't give any background about it, though. It may not be the best of stories, I think it's lacking in certain spots, but hey, I wrote it on the back of a post-it note

"You look awful smug," Jarrow said.

"I'm not smug," Enola said. "I'm ecstatic."

The man raised his eyebrows. "You're ecstatic because when you were drunk last night, you wrote a love letter to a girl you don't even like. Brilliant."

"It's not like that!"

"I thought you gave up on girls anyway."

"Oh, god, Jarrow. Don't make me sound straight. It wasn't even a love letter, anyway."

"And this seemed like a good idea?"

Enola just smiled. "Anything seems like a good idea when you're drunk."

"You still are, aren't you?"

"Nope. Just drunk off the thought of her."

The man just stared.

"I'm a psycho, I know."

I wrote another short story, also about Jarrow and Nol, but it's a little more dramatic than the above. Okay, a lot more dramatic. It's rated at least pg-13, maybe R, for one use of the "f" word (fun). And if you take into account the sexuality of the MC's, it's rated at least NC-25. (Although I seriously don't understand why that matters. Has anyone seen Torchwood? I saw it on Youtube, and I couldn't believe they could show that on TV!)

Ahem, anyway. The story. I was about two or three quarters finished with it, when it literally smacked me in the head. It wasn't just some dramatic incident between them, but a code. A sneaky, accidental code. (Personal antidote that most people should skip over due to content: Once, I was hitting myself in the leg with a hammer, thinking about how, though it hurt like heck, the pain was only temporary. All pain is only temporary. Suddenly I realized that "all pain" meant just that, and not just physical. I felt so much better.)

Okay, back to the story. Basically, without trying to spoil it, Enola and her friend S'mo are talking about their friend Jarrow, who has been acting strange. S'mo knows, and is willing to share, but Enola wants Jarrow to tell her. But S'mo gives her a hint, having to do with how people cover up their problems.

So, an unspecified time later, Nol goes home early from "work." (It's a long story about that, trust me.) The other "roommates" (S'mo, from above, and Ginny, the girl from the above story) are still working, but Jarrow had the day off. It's a hot day. And Jarrow is wearing a long sleeved shirt.

She mentions that he has been wearing long sleeves a lot lately. He points out the importance of modesty. She points out that he used to always wear t-shirts around that house. When she mentioned that she used to wear long sleeves all the time (apparently she doesn't anymore) and he interrupts that he is not a cutter.

And Enola says that sometimes people hide things. Or to protect themselves. Sometimes it's something tangible. And sometimes it's not.

(That particular part, about using sleeves to hide something intangible comes from my hatred of people assuming I wear long sleeves year round to hide my scars. I have nothing to be ashamed of. The reason for my fears is something intangible.)

Anyhoo. There's something of a struggle that I'll kind of skip, but then Nol finds out what Jarrow is hiding. An abusive relationship.

I can't remember off the top of my head what the code ... oh yeah. Never mind. I do remember. It has to do with keeping secrets, and all you have to do is tell somebody what's wrong. Even if they already know what's wrong, they can't do anything about it unless you speak up. Which is ambiguous, I hope.

John Barrowman, and the Sharp, Annoying Piano

2007-04-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me cry?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just want to hold you.
I just want to hold you.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by your forever.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.

There's Something I Want to Say

2007-04-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

But I'd never say it to her face 'cause then she'd beat me ...

Oh, look, an intermission:

She says she really loves me
"I love you!" she says
She says she really cares
"I care! I care!"
She says that I'm her hero
"My hero!" she says
I'm perfect, she swears
"You're perfect, goddammit."
She says that if we parted
"We parted," she says
She says that she'd be sick
(She grunts determinately while slitting her wrists)
She says she's mine forever
"Forever!" she says
I gotta get outta here quick

End of intermission.

I don't understand why you're never there for me. I don't mean 24 hours a day, or anything like that. But is once in awhile, when I'm going fucking crazy, too much to ask? I was there for you when you needed me. You never mean the things you say.

I'm Never Going to be Good Enough for You

2007-04-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

(A/N: This is part two. The beginning of the story is below, which is kind of weird.)

"We're combining nations," Teefer said, chin quivering slightly.

"Oh," I said.

"We're taking over the army and military aspect, and Fernheaven is taking over the goverenment."

"Oh," I said again, shocked.

"Yeah. Our government was going into anachery anyway."

"That's good, then, about Fernhaven."

Her head dropped. "I'm disappointed."

"I know you're disappointed."

"I was the girl that owned a city. But I wasn't good enough. No matter how hard I tried, everything went wrong. Nothing I did was enough. And everybody's going to know."

The girl who owned a city? I wondered. There were no cities anymore! She didn't even rule the nation we lived in. She was only the ambassador.

"It was all I really wanted."

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?" I asked. "After all, it was because of Lola's folks, not something personal."

She glared at me. "I wish."

(A/N: I'm still not finished, though this is the end of the "story." There's a part that I want to do from Teef's POV, but I'll work on it later.)

Sometimes You can Still Loose, Even If You Really Try

2007-04-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

It was a dark, stormy night. Except that it wasn't really night. It was actually just after sunrise. So it wasn't really dark either, it was dawn. Nor was it stormy. It hardly ever rained in the first place, and especially not at the start of summer.

Though I was still tired, I forced myself into the kitchen, and started the coffee. I squinted, trying to block out the already-too-bright sunlight streaming through the window.
I glanced into the living room. There was the Teefer, sitting criss-crossed on the floor, reading a magazine. She looked casual, composed, more so than the previous night.

I'd never seen her cry before. But when I got home that night, I heard sobbing coming from the bedroom. Undignified sobbing, undoubtedly the worst noise in the world. It was though she wanted to scream, but wouldn't allow herself to. Though I wanted to turn around and leave, I couldn't. Instead, I went in.

And there she was, sitting on the bed, both hands in her tear-plastered hair. Her face was not tear-stained, it was soaked.

I was flabbergasted by her appearance. She had always been even-tempered, almost stoic.

I couldn't even begin to guess what was wrong. I couldn't even ask.

A moment before my hand reached out to comfort her, she noticed me. The Teefer took a deep breath, ceasing her crying immediately, though her chin still quivered. She rubbed her eyes several times, smearing

Unable to speak, she laid down on her side, away from me.

Somehow, I must have fallen asleep. I woke up in the empty spot on the bed.

I wondered if she'd even slept at all. I opened my mouth to get her attention. Nothing came out, and I realized that she was focusing too hard on the magazine.

"Good morning," I finally said.

She glanced up at me.

"What was the meeting about?" I asked. That had to be it. Something that happened at the meeting. New Betterham and Fernheaven officials had gotten together, though the topic was confidential.

"LOLA," she answered, going back to her magazine.

I blinked. "Your daughter?"

"No, the idiots who gave birth to her. The Lost Americans. 'League Of the Lost Americans.'"

"Aren't those the guys with the trains?"

"Yeah. They've got a huge following out East. Basically, they're a huge army. Their sole purpose in life is to fight nations, loot the supplies, and imprison any survivors. With every nation they attack, their army gets stronger."

"But if they're out East--"

"Believe me, they are coming our way at an impressive rate, considering the circumstances. What you have to understand is, unlike the rouges, loners, and wild cards, LOLA is a serious threat to our nation. We don't have nearly the manpower that they do -- nor the infrastructure."

"Wh- What are we going to do?"

She muttered something. When I asked her to repeat herself, she looked up, though she still wouldn't meet my eyes.

(TBC)

Quote

2007-04-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

From the story I'm working on currently. I wanted to make the main character a lot like my best friend. She describes her "normal" life (as it was before the apocalypse):

Like most people, I grew up, and got a job that I only hated on Mondays. And Tuesdays. And pretty much every day I had to be there.

The Meaning of Friendship

2007-04-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

I bought this picture frame at my favorite store last Saturday. It only cost a dollar. I tried to put it back, because it's way too sentimental. But as I read it, I couldn't help but smile, because I realized that by the definition, I didn't have any friends. So I bought it.

(Smills?)

Fantasies Come True

2007-04-03T05:28:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that was exactly like the song Fantasies Come True.

Okay, not "exactly." But it was about this girl I really like. And we were dating. Secretly, of course. It involved jogging, finding coins (and the nicest thing anyone ever did for me), compliments, butterflies (the metaphorical kind, that you would get in your stomach) and french fries.

It made me really sad when I woke up, because it's not true. But it was a nice dream.

Another Code Story

2007-03-31T06:27:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a dog. Now, I don't like dogs, but I didn't know this one personally. I would assume he is a nice dog who leaves people who don't like dogs alone.

His owner was a wonderful man. He took the dog for long walks three times a day, bought only the best dog food, and supplied him with all the chew toys he could ever want.

But then an unfortunate thing happened. He lost his job, he ran out of money, the electric company turned off this lights, the garbage company reposed his toter, and he had to eat food he bought at the dollar store.

He was very upset, because he couldn't get a new job. To take out his frustrations, as he came home jobless every night, he kicked the dog.

The dog began to get angry. He didn't like being kicked all the time. But what could he do? He was just a dog, after all.

One night, he got so angry he couldn't think straight. He bit his owner's arm off.

The End

2007-03-30T21:04:00.000-07:00

Roses only last like a couple weeks and that's if you leave them in water. They really only exist to be pretty. So that's like saying, "My love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance."

But a potato! Potatoes last forever! In fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow stuff even if you just leave them in the sack. That part alone makes it a good symbol. But there's more! There are so many ways to enjoy a potato! You can even make a battery with it! That's like saying, "I have many ways in which I show my love for you."

And potatoes may be ugly, but they're still awesome. So that's like saying, "It doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you."

Answer

2007-03-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

Proud of your boy
I'll make you proud of your boy
Believe me, bad as I've been, Ma
You're in for a pleasant surprise

I've wasted time
I've wasted me
So say I'm 'slow for my age'
'A late bloomer,' Okay, I agree

I've been one rotten kid
Some son, some pride and some joy
But I'll get over these lousin' up
Messin' up, screwin' up times

You'll see, Ma, now comes the better part
Someone's gonna make good
Cross his stupid heart
Make good and finally make you
Proud of your boy

Tell me that I've been a louse and loafer
You won't get a fight here, no ma'am
Say I'm a goldbrick, a good-off, no good
But that couldn't be all that I am

Water flows under the bridge
Let it pass, let it go
There's no good reason that you should believe me
Not yet, I know, but

Someday and soon
I'll make you proud of your boy
Though I can't make myself taller
Or smarter or handsome or wise

I'll do my best, what else can I do ?
Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you
Mom, I will try to
Try hard to make you
Proud of your boy

Random ...

2007-03-07T06:22:00.000-08:00

It's kind of funny, really. In my head anyway. The things I say to her ...

The other day, she said thanks for something. I told her, "You are most welcome" (she didn't know it was me that she was talking to). We all know 'you're welcome' means that you are -- well, welcome. I read a book where they would say that in the most literal sense. That they wanted you there.

So I added the thought, "I really mean that from the bottom of my heart."

At that point, she was like, "All right, who is this?"

A couple of days later, maybe a week at most, I was talking to her while she was working away. Nobody else was around (that I recall) so I told her the truth. How I really felt at that moment. Watching her work, while I rambled on knowing that she wasn't listening at all.

"I love you. I really do love you."

Note:

2007-03-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

What I wrote below was not really about my dad. Well, the parts that say "dad" are, but the parts about my "parents" are really about my mom. After a conversation today, I think she's really projecting her own fears onto my dad.

Although the conversation left me in tears and swearing that I would never talk to my mother again (a ridiculous thing, if only because we work in the same office) there was one highlight. I was talking, and I finished a sentence with, "... because I'm gay." I've never really said that to her, but it felt really great to acknowledge it.

I thought about calling my uncles to talk to them, since one of them is related to her. The only thing that stopped me was ... well, I can't really say. But it's interesting to see what I'm turning to instead of cutting.

I Need To Know

2007-03-01T07:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I really wish I knew everything. I wish I could really understand what's going on in other people's heads.

I'm really lucky. I know I am. I remember, once I was sitting on the couch on a Friday evening with my grandma and she said, "I'm glad that {coming out} hasn't affected your relationship with your dad. I know you guys are really close."

That was the first time I ever realized that my dad was homophobic. People (that I'm related to) always tell me that he's much better than he was. But I was young back then. And I now realize just how much his opinions influenced me, even if he didn't say anything about the subject.

I knew I had a crush on Red. I knew how deeply I loved her. She never had to love me back, she never did anything to earn it. But I never quite made the connection. I would justify it to myself, the way I continued to do until I was 19.

(The justification, if you're curious, comes from Torey Hayden. I love her books. It was in The Tiger's Child. I can't find it, but this little girl's got a crush on a teenage helper, and Torey, who works with children, says it's quite a normal thing.)

It's like I told my friend: "It's not that I didn't know. I wasn't willing to admit it to myself. Because it was wrong. Even after my mom told me my uncle was gay, I thought it was okay for other people, but not for me. It took seeing lesbians on a daily bases for 8 months before I realized it was "okay to be gay."

But anyway, after that random detour ... today in the office I mentioned getting an invitation to my uncles' wedding. My mom was downstairs at the time, and she said that they weren't going.
I already knew that. I just thought that it was because it takes place during the summer, when only one person at work is allowed to be on vacation at a time, and she hasn't worked there long enough to have enough vacation time.

When she said that she had better things to do (aka "shop-hop"). That made me somewhat angry, saying "I'd rather shop-hop than be at my brother's wedding" but I thought she was just diverting attention from the real reasons because she felt bad or something (for the reasons above). Kind of changing the subject so she didn't have to deal with it.

And I still think I was right. She was diverting from the real issue. But it was the issue I thought (or, more likely, was hoping). I heard her when she told Hat that it was because my dad is a bigot. That's not exactly what she said, but it's what she meant.

I really was angry then. Shocked, maybe, though I probably shouldn't have been. I ask my mom what happens if I get married. (It's not that I have any desire to, but I'm young and don't know what's going to happen in the future.)

My mom didn't really answer me, which infuriates me. I was bursting with emotion. I really thought I was going to cry. In fact, I went into the back office, away from her, and tried unsuccessfully to laugh it off. I'm sure I've said it before that lately I laugh because I don't want to cry. I was a little dramatic, sure, but if you've ever seen The Truth About Jane, that was exactly what happened.

I'm still angry, though not in a "I'm never going to talk to you again" way. She doesn't realize how upset I am that she can't tell me. I don't know how to vocalize my frustration, my disappointment in my parents. I don't know what I'd be trying to accomplish if I did.

I tried to figure out the motivation of my anger, what it's really directed at, and I think it's because I don't understand. I don't understand why they think that homosexuality is "wrong" or "bad" or "gross." I don't understand how homosexuality is any different than heterosexuality. I think if I did, then I would be able to accept their feelings.

But I can't ask my dad, and my mom avoids my conversations about similar topics. (Maybe I get all my "I don't knows" from her ...)

Nobody else really has the answers that I need. But I wish somebody did. I wish I had somebody to talk to ...

QWEST

2007-02-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about Monday night ... I'm really embarrased to say exactly what we did, but we made a mural for international women's day. It was a nice poster. Very deep.

But my mom used to beat me for drawing things like that.

Even though there was no topic of conversation, I left with a tremedious amount of emotion to sort through. And then there was a conversation I overheard between two of my friends.

But the most importaint thing was something Ro said regaurding self image.

And then the other thing, more regaurding the conversation, is about children, and what we're teaching them. How we're teaching them. KK in particular, since she's the only kid I feel I have any influence on. What do I say to her?

Avenue Jew

2007-02-17T18:42:00.000-08:00

I've just been watching this forever, so I wanted to share it. You probably won't get it unless you've seen Fiddler on the Roof and listened to the Avenue Q soundtrack, but it's great.

Avenue Jew

I have so many favorite parts it's hard to pick just one. Of course if I tell you, you'll watch it and be like, "That's not so funny ..." So watch it first.

I'll pick five. In the order they happen.

1 The actor who plays Rod (the one who sings Matchmaker). Not the puppet, but the actual guy holding the puppet. He has great facial expressions throughout the whole thing.

2 What do you do With a BA in Yiddish? (The actor reminds me of Joseph as he sings the second line)

3 Chanaka Eve and Brian singing Do You Love Me? That's my favorite song from Fiddler. Who wouldn't want to be in a relationship with honesty like that?

4 Tradition sung by Tsar Dubya. I don't think I should find this funny, but oh well. It just seems so true. "That's what I said." And aren't his secret service people cute?

5 Ben Brantly is my favorite character. I love his song. I sing it at work. I had no idea who he was before seeing this, and it didn't take much reasearch to figure out all the jokes. Oh, and he's got the greatest little lisp

6 Bielke is great too. In fact, I think I have a crush on her. I love the look on her face at 6:41 and the way her head bobs at 7:02.

7 (this is it, I promise) "Toni Braxton in Aida? Not an actress!!!"

Memoirs from Hanei's Lover

2007-02-16T06:16:00.000-08:00

Boxes

At the very beginning, they put everyone in boxes. Not literal boxes, but they separated everyone into groups that were similar. People were separated by obvious physical traits like being a white woman with blond hair and blue eyes, 5 and a half feet tall and so on down to the smallest detail.

They didn't care that it made people unhappy. A lot felt that they didn't fit into a box, or identified with another. And even those that were happy with who they saw looking back at them in the mirror -- just because two people are similar in appearance doesn't make the same. Some were liberal and others were conservative. There were religious fanatics and atheists ...

But generations passed, and slowly they realized that -- well, I'd like to say that they realized there was no need for boxes, but that's not really true. They were all the same, you know. They strived for conformity. But that was not the case with us.

They grew more open minded than their parents' parents. And they realized that it was not the outside of the cookie that was important. Shifting was done, and though it wasn't perfect, we were content.

It made me hopeful for the future of mankind. Maybe in three or four generations we would realize the same thing ... it's not the outside of the cookie that's important.

The Other Part of QWEST

2007-02-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

Last night's subject was relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but all types. Family, friends, etc. Some of the questions were ... weird. I think I'm too young for stuff like that.

Oh, but I talked with Rebekah. She's pretty cool. Got cool hair anyway. And I talked to Ro. She's cool too. (Don't worry, there are uncool people, but I don't talk to them.)

And I talked some. Nothing brilliant, but whatever. At least they are aware that I am physically capable of doing so.

The Better Part of QWEST

2007-02-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

I have a bit to say about QWEST, but much of it would focus on Ramsey, who I mentioned the other day. So, rather than do that, I will post a bit of a song that pretty well sums how I feel. If you want more details, just ask me. But it's pretty boring.

So. This is a song from Avenue Q. Not quite the way the singer sings it, but then again, she's not gay. Okay:

She likes me
I think she likes me
But does she "like me" like me
Like I like her?
Will we be friends? Or something more?
I think she's interested, but I'm not sure ...

Last Night

2007-02-12T06:20:00.000-08:00

So, last night I was sitting with Katie. Which I probably shouldn't have been, because I don't need anyone. But where do you go when you can't go home?

I digress. I was telling her about my plans for the week, and mentioned a date on Thursday. She's like, "What?" I was kidding, of course, and told her as much. But I could always ask one of the girls at QWEST. It's not like they'd say yes.

But Kate gave me a very serious look. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

2007-02-11T12:22:00.000-08:00

and just fucking scream

.... Awful Close for Friends

2007-02-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

This post has been removed by the blog administrator.

ELF HUNTING!

2007-02-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

Don't forget! Elf hunting tonight! Be there or throw up!

In the Forbidden Grove!
From 6:15-6:45!
Bring your arrows and oilberry!

(I remind myself of Chico sometimes.)

The Characters

2007-02-08T19:45:00.000-08:00

Orginally, I was going to name the three main characters Ruin, Kaite, and Samoa. Just because I like the names. But everybody would think it was code. So they were out.

Besides that, my friend has forever ruined the meaning of S'mo. But it was still the best name ever.

So now the characters are Jordan, Ani, and Cassidy. (Not necisarily in the same order as above.) And though I orignially based a certain character's role on my life, I realate much better to a different one. (Ten points and a cookie if you can guess which two correctly.)

Jordan is kind of set in her ways. She hates the nearby villigers because they kill her tribesmates because they are different. Not in appearance, but inside.

Ani is Jordan's life mate. She's very motherly. Although devestated after the death of her and Jordan's daughter, she quickly adopts a baby who was outcasted from the villiage because of a birthmark.

Cassidy is a woman who lives in the villiage. She pretends to be the same as everybody else until she meets Jordan. Then, realizing that they are the same inside, she strives to become just like her role model.

Another importaint character is Patrick, Ani's adopted son. He has a rough childhood, being exiled at a young age by Jordan because he was acting like a villiager. As he grows older, he tries to earn Jordan's approval but continually fails until the two end up in the villiage together and learn very importaint life lessons.

While Jordan runs around after all the cute girls.

An Untitled Musical

2007-02-07T18:11:00.000-08:00

As of this moment, I have finished scene one to the musical I'm working on.

I like to describe it as being a tender story about cheating.

Which is true, except maybe the tender part. Does that mean it makes you cry? But it's not really about bad cheating. It's more like ...

Moving on with your life. Finding true happiness. Finding your "one true place" (thanks, Lilo, for burning that into my brain). Accepting people. Changing. Staying the same.

That's really the biggest thing. It's about how there are certain things you can't change about yourself. You can hide them, repress them, but it doesn't change.

But it's not like love the sinner hate the sin. It's all just hate the sinner. Beat him up, kill him.

But the first scene is suspiciously similar to Tarzan. In fact, all the music is going to be from the musical. I have this theory that you can tell a completely different stories with the same music. I am attempting to prove it. Besides music, a musical is full of dialogue. Which is the only thing I'm good at. Right Kate??

The Best Meeting Ever

2007-02-05T20:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I really agree. But it was pretty fun.

The subject was "religion" which was really, really interesting. My head hurt from thinking so hard that I had to take a break in the middle of it. I don't remember exactly what I was thinking about, but at least it was actually about the subject in question. It was interesting to think about why people turn to religion.

And there was a cool finale.

I didn't go elf hunting though. Which is a subject I shall have to bring up later. It leads to interesting possiblities. A code within a code.

I Was Walking with a Ghost

2007-02-02T05:54:00.000-08:00

Last night, Kate asked me to drop by her work to see her new hair. Well, not new, but whatever. So, though I already had plans, I went.

We talked a bit, and I gave her a necklace I made her. Very flamboyant (which means "richly colored". She wouldn't even wear it. (Not that I blame her. I wear my own under my sweatshirt.)

I know people are impressed at my jewelry making skills. But I wanted one just like SW has. Okay, so the ones I made look nothing like hers. But homemade is better. And you know what I used? I couldn't find beads that were the colors I wanted except in the children's section. Maybe we are trying to brainwash our children. I found some "activity beads" (that's what they're labled). They're supposed to be for ironing so they form cool shapes or something.

But this isn't about me. So, after we put her necklace back together, she said something about how we were going to meet up on Monday (for QWEST). I was like, "yep."

And then she made a comment about how I "pretended to be so cool." What was I supposed to say? And what the heck did she mean by pretend?? Unable to provide a good answer I turned around and left. (I was late anyway.) All I could think was "girls," as I shook my head, amused.

"Her mind's made up, the girl is gone ..."

Extra Short Stories

2007-02-01T18:39:00.000-08:00

I wrote a couple stories today. Well, not today. One I wrote today. The other I wrote in late Novemeber (or possibly early December, it's hard to remember.) They aren't really stories per say. Just an attempt to put words to feelings, I guess.

They were both written for the same person. I'm pretty sure that when she reads this, she'll know that it's her, and promptly beat me up. Okay, so she won't beat me up, I'm pretty sure. But she might not appreciate it.

Here goes. The shortest story I ever wrote:

Shut her up.
Made her cry.
What would you have said to her?

And the second, inspired by an event last Monday:

You were always so quick to out yourself. I thought you were ashamed. But maybe you're just proud?

Some Girl

2007-01-31T06:52:00.000-08:00

It was inspired by several songs, but most notably "Some Genius." Though I hadn't "heard" it since I was in middle school, one particular phrase stuck with me. Wade sings, "I walked with you through places unseen. You held my hand. You made me scream."

The other song is She Says. Which I know surprises everybody since I mention it every other day. It's because of the line, "And when she says she wants someone else, I hope you know she doesn't mean you." I can't be in Howie Day's head, but it kind of sounds like he's talking to himself. So I wrote something where I was talking to myself.

Another song is Meet Virginia. I read somewhere that it's not about one girl, but several. My song is not about one person. It's about the three girls I loved most. I won't list them here, but if you really want to know, just look at them little taggie things.

But is it any good? I have no idea. Some say it's better than "Mission From God," but I don't think I'm the best judge. I like to sing it, though.

It's about ... unrequited love, mostly. Being taken advantage of. Failure. Self perception. Kate made the comment that (this is her talking -->) "I really liked it, but it makes me feel like there's quite a bit of truth in it."

But that's kind of the reason I don't want anybody to read it. Because it's true. It's not like "Mission From God," which I will sing happily at the top of my lungs.

My favorite line is "Love is something you can't say." I think that's very true. I think others would agree.

Who Better Than Me to Convince You You're Wrong?

2007-01-30T20:44:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to note that I was going through my life (or the archives or whatever you want to call them). And I realized what a blatant liar I was. So I edited some stuff out. If any one's curious, most of them were in August, and clearly noted.

At least I was lying for the greater good.

In any case, the whole subject makes me think of a story from QWEST. I shall do my best to retell it the way the guy did in the first place. (I forget his name) :

Ever since I was, like, five, my parents thought I was gay. When my dad caught me with my girlfriend, I thought he was going to cry.

I can just see myself being the parent in this story. Except the "parent" part. I know, I know. My mom tells me all the time that that could change. But I ain't becoming pregnant. But in any case, there is a little girl that I know, who happens to be related to me, that I really want to grow up to be, (what is the politically correct word?) not straight. I think it's her destiny.

And yes, I am a psycho.

Edit: Seven hits today? Declare yourself!

QWEST

2007-01-30T05:57:00.000-08:00

I found that QWEST continues to leave me much to think about, perhaps not because of the subject of discussion, but because of the social interaction it provides.

I smoked while I climbed a bazillion flights of stairs, with a slightly better idea of where I was going than last week. I marveled over the disposable ashtray it came with.

For a while, I hung out on the stairs. I could hear the girls below, so I just text messaged my mother. (But don't tell anybody it was my mother. Somehow, when other people are texting, I don't think they are writing their parents.)

As I stood there, a girl walked by. She waved at me. I said hi. We ended up talking before the club started. Quite a bit, in fact. Her name is Ramsey.

Halfway through the meeting, Katie came in. I kinda didn't think she was going to come, in the same way I knew that SW wasn't going to come. At that moment, I really wanted to go outside and smoke. I don't think anyone would have missed me.

And I further convinced her that SW is just a figment of my imagination. We all know I am running an expiriment about that anyway. Probably everybody thinks she's just a figment, even though I've talked about her in this blog at least since August.

Anyway, I shall go back next week and socilaize even more. If I could talk while the club is actually meeting (besides the introduction at the beginning where I basically say, "I'm Roowey, and I like to jump off cliffs") I would have it made.

Reporting Live From Hackensack (part two)

2007-01-29T06:37:00.000-08:00

I told SW that too. She's like, "What's wrong with that? You are a girl!"

I continued the play by play commentary. I had never met Susan before. I still haven't, because I couldn't get my friend off the phone. Erin muttered, "I don't know why she has to keep tabs on everything."

SW must have heard. "What's she say?" she demanded. I said I would tell her later. (And I did, SW was furious. Maybe. She said, "I told you I would call." And I told her I was glad she did. She sounded suprised.)

At some point, Erin managed to get SW off the phone. (But not before being questioned.) Then we went home. It was a shorter trip, since there was less traffic. However, Erin kept a watchful eye over my speed. He made polite comments like, "I think we can pass this truck," and "Did the speed limit drop again?" I was ready to drop his speed limit.

We got to SW's house. On Erin's, er, "request" I followed him in. There was Janie. I was suprised. I was under the impression that she was staying with SW's mother.

Oh, but the look on her face when I walked in. Though I usually wouldn't say this, nothing else can quite describe it as well as this: She was pissed off.

And then she forced me to eat her food.

Reporting Live From Hackensack (part one)

2007-01-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

This is for Jay.

So I went to Hackensack Friday night. I was so worried about it. I couldn't sleep or anything. I mean, think about it. I was going to a strange place with a boy I'd never met before.

SW changed the plan. She didn't want her mother to know about her roommate. Janie had a doctor's appointment, and something about not being to move for 48 hours. And babysitting.

So I met Erin at the gas station. He's really nice. He was dressed really professionally (since he's looking for a job). He was super polite. And he was really nice looking. (for a boy)

But it made me kind of nervous. After introducing himself, he asked me if SW had given me directions. She had, after I insisted on getting a copy half a bazillion times. I guess Erin didn't know the way to Susan's house. I had been under the impression that Susan was his friend, and they had lived near each other before Erin moved to Bellingham.

He asked for the instructions. Nervous, I gave them to him. After all, I wasn't going to lead him there. But we decided I would lead the way to the freeway. Which is funny, because I don't know the way any better than he does. I went the way to my house, which passes by a freeway entrance. But I'm sure it's not the closest.

It was a long trip. I listened to my music forever as we sat on the freeway. Cigerettes were thrown at my car while I smoked my own. (I don't really smoke, but I like to say that I'm going to go out and smoke. I was really chewing gum.) Traffic was a mess. Maybe it was the basketball game. Maybe it was rush hour. Maybe it was that wreck on the side of the road.

Then SW called, wondering where the [heck] we were. "Hackensack," I told her. "We just passed The Tower of Mac."

She was sure we were lost. So was I. But looking back, it was SW who told me it was in North Hackensack. I was sure The Tower was in the middle of the city. SW insisted I tell her everything that was going on. I rattled off places we were passing and street names. The only thing that sound familiar was "Burger Doodle." Of course that sounded familar. We have in Bellingham!

But somehow, we got there. And I parked like a girl.

A Poem

2007-01-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

I didn't write this. 007 did.

so things are different, unfamiliar is apparent
so tell me whats new, cause i ain't got a fucking clue. I guess i wasn't the one, i must have been the bullet in the gun, that shot through you and never left a mark. Just leave it to me, to let things "be", still and silent..fucked and forgotten.

Cause thats what i am best at, afterall.

So now, get in the car..where i can drive way too far, pull over and dream turn up the music and just fucking scream..Stay'n out until dawn, 'till i can finally move on, to a differnt nite a whole new moon..face it baby, we left the game way to...soon.

Hackensack Interrupted

2007-01-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

There's one person in the world that I would do anything for. All she would have to do is ask.

Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into now?

Jessie McFadden

2007-01-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the song "Jessie McFadden?" No? Neither have I.

But it is described as being a song about a "first schoolgirl crush on, well, another schoolgirl." It has crossed my mind that I could write a song like that. I would call it "Jeriziah Holt." (god forbid she stumbles across this page, but if she does, she should email me. :) )

It would be a collection of all my fond memories. How she got me expelled my first year of high school. How I threw candy in her hair at football games. How she sat by me on the bus and when she fell asleep I would want to touch her hair so bad ...

Why couldn't I have come out in high school? What was my problem? At the end of "Jessie McFadden" the singer wonders what she's doing now, and if Jessie is queer. She's sad because she never asked her crush out.

Tell you what. If I ever see her again, I'll ask her out. Or at least let her know that I had the biggest crush on her. I'm sure she wouldn't be surprised.

Aventures of 007

2007-01-24T18:19:00.000-08:00

I have a friend. Which surprises you, I know. Though she has a nickname, I will call her 007 because she told me not to tell anybody what we're doing this weekend. I will write about it in code. Though I suspect at least one person will know what's really going on. It's not like I'm going to stray tremendously far from the truth.

So 007 has this ... acquaintance. Who happens to live with her at the moment. It was a completely bizarre moment. One day 007 just woke up and realized that her acquaintance (who, for the fun of it, I will call "007's Friend," since 'friend' is easier to spell) was in her house and needed a place to live.

Anyway, 007's Friend borrowed a car from her friend in Hackensack to get up here in the first place. Now she needs to give it back. Brilliant, I think. How is she going to give the car back to Hackensack if she doesn't have a ride? Yeah, I know. 007 could follow her to Hackensack and then carpool back.

No. That would be too easy! Let's get a third person involved. 007 asked me if I would follow her friend to Hackensack with her. My car, of course. Why? Because 007's other friend, 008, doesn't know that her friend doesn't have her own car. Why all these secrets? I guess I can kind of relate, but I don't think my codes are really secrets. I mean, they are, but I don't hide them, I just encode them.

B U T. Who can resist helping a friend? A friend one particularly likes and wants to spend more time with. I miss hanging out with her ... and I'd do anything. Even drive to Hackensack.

Elf Qwest

2007-01-23T06:05:00.000-08:00

My new year's resolution was to meet more people. Or socialize more. Or something.

SW introduced me to myspace (which I only joined because she was one it, of course). Actually, myspace is kind of cool. I found a lot of kids I went to school with.

In any case, one of the clubs that SW is part of is actually held every Monday at Western. So I thought, I should go. After all, every body's been telling me I should go to a club with similar interests, and hey! I have similar interests to the people on myspace.

I emailed one of them, asking for a couple of question. She ended up giving me directions (ones even I could understand) and told me that I should come.

I scribbled them down and promptly showed them to everybody at work, trying to clarify the correctness of the notes. The Evil Dude was actually the one who helped me the most, when he pointed out that "towards downtown" was a different direction than I thought.

Of course, they asked what kind of a club it was. Generally, I claimed not to know. But if they insisted, I told them it was an "elf club." I told SW that it was for a bunch of people to get together and hunt elves (if only that was true!). She knew that was just a code.

The club is called QWEST. (Kind of like ElfQuest ...) It stands for Queer Women Educating and Supporting Together. And it was pretty cool.

As I was wondering around campus (trying to look like I knew where I was going, even if I didn't), and I saw two girls talking. As I passed them, I realized that I knew one of them. Her name is Ro, short for Rochelle. I had visited her myspace page 10 bazillion times. (Okay, not really.) But I knew that she was the moderator of QWEST, and one of SW's "friends." It was totally weird to recognise her.

But it kind of reminds me of a movie I was watching with Katie last week. They were in a club or something, and the MC goes up to a man and says, "You're on MySpace!"

Anyway, the subject of the meeting was queer culture, which I had nothing really to say about. I know about two lesbians. You can decide which two I mean (SW, Kate, or Janie).

But I guess I left with a lot to think about. And I think I'll go back next week. Maybe I'll actually participate.

The best part is, I made my mom happy. She said she's proud of me.

An Idea

2007-01-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

So, I was thinking today ...

(*stops to step over the bodies of those who had dropped dead at the idea*)

I tried to convince Katie the other day that SW was a figment of my imagination (which everybody gets a kick out of, even her mother told me that she was a "very big figment") and though all I really did was make Kate mad. But I was thinking, just how does Katie know that SW does exist? Oh, sure, I talk about her all the time, but I talk about my elves all the time, and that doesn't mean that *they* exist. Sure, she has a myspace page, but so does everyone else. I have two or three. All with different names. And Kate has never seen SW.

Okay, so with that in mind, why not make somebody up, and pretend she is an acquaintance of mine. Talk about her a bit, make a myspace page, and try to convince people that she is real.

Actually, I have a bit more complicated of a situation in mind, but I don't want to share. After all, everybody is going to think that my (new) friend "Darci" is just made up.

How Not to Write a Story

2007-01-16T06:19:00.000-08:00

Taken directly from my story about S'mo, Kaite and Ruin (that's what I changed her name to, and yes, it is because she "ruins things.")

How could any of them truely be happy? I have no idea, I haven't figured that part out yet. I'll just have to wait and see like everybody else.

A Real Conversation

2007-01-15T05:51:00.000-08:00

My friend: I think you might be trying to reconcile something in your past ...
Me: You mean like that time I tried to seduce [Red] in the band room?
My friend: You never told me really about that
Me: Oh. forget I said anything.

Yeah. Those were the good old days. I miss her. Red, that is. Actually, I saw her brother the other day, and I tried to ask him how she was doing and get her phone number or something, but he pretty well ignored me. So if you wouldn't mind, please go to his myspace page and ask him for his sister's phone number.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to write about. There was actually another part of our conversation that got me thinking, and not about cute girls. We were talking about my insane need for codes. Well, actually, to quote what she said:

"Some things in your past still bother you which lead to being extra wary about letting people in to see how you truly feel. [For example,] codes, vagueness, dislike of anyone getting close physically even for a hug."

When I asked her what events might have contributed (as obviously the band room incident wasn't that bad) because I'm (oh what's the word?) some word that means I don't know, because I'm stupid. Okay, maybe not stupid. But it's a word kind of like that. I will edit this out when I think of the word.

Okay, anyway, I once again visited the idea that my stories are (usually) code for things going on in my own life, except with scary aliens. I was telling her about stories I wrote during that time, like "Untitled," which is about a girl who is a genie hunter (no aliens) who is held captive by a (apparently) super powerful guy named Slur. She tries to get her brother, who is an astronaut in our world, to save her, because she thinks he is the only person Slur is afraid of. It turns out that the person Slur is afraid of is really her.

I like that one, because despite the abuse she suffers throughout the tale, she remains happy go lucky.

Another one I brought up was "Another Untitled Story," which was about a girl (who I believe had the same name as the one from Untitled) who is held captive by my famous Lieums. It was the first story with Adam in it. The girl doesn't talk, but Adam feels there is potential, despite what everybody thinks. He ends up finding out that she's more than he bargained for, and that he is quite naive in the ways of his world.

So, at this point, I had to dig out my old notebooks. Stories from elementary school, middle school, high school. But one caught my eye. One that is surely not in code. Sure, it takes place in outside space (the setting is based on Ender's Game), but other than that, it's not hard to see what was going on in my life at the time. Either that, or I was able to accurately predict the future.

It is called "America's Best-kept Seceret" (and you thought it was going to be "Yet Another Untitled Story"). It's about a girl named ... oh,yeah. She got the same name as everyone else. I really liked that name, I tell ya. Anyway, she's got a boyfriend who's name is Adnam, which I'm not quite sure of the origins of. He is very protective of her. When she shows up covered in wounds, he rushes to help her, babying her. But when they are alone, it is a different story.

"...And only because I won't rat you out."
"And why wouldn't you? You'd get me grounded ASAP."
"Ha," she answered.
"I do love you, you know."
"You've got a funny way of showing it."
...
"I don't know what you're planning, Jarasia, but don't try anything.:
"Why would I?" she asked.
"If I get grounded, I'll kill you first. I don't care if the whole world's watching."
"Your mother would be proud."

Yeah, I did edit part of it out. I just didn't want to type out the part where Adnam's beating her up. Ah, well, she was asking for it anyway.

Shopping

2007-01-13T15:19:00.000-08:00

My mom took me shopping today, because she doesn't trust me driving on icy roads.

But I'm glad that she's open minded, or it would have been boring. She needed some straws, so I went looking down the picnic aisle. Sucessful in my mission, I brought a pack 120 back to my mom.

Still, I had found another reason I hated [the store we went to.] "I didn't get the 60 straight straws," I informed my mother, probably louder than she would have liked. "They shouldn't be allowed to flaunt their sexuality like that!"

A Thought

2007-01-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

This isn't worth it. I want to help, but I'm not. I realize that. I keep trying, but nothing changes.

Who's the real psycho?

My Newest Story Idea

2007-01-11T17:46:00.000-08:00

Alternatively, a reflection while I pretend to plot. Or sada.

So ... we all know I like alien stories. Somehow, I relate to my poor human slaves. But I still want to write a story that's relevant to what's going on in my life currently, a reflection of my thoughts and feelings. Can't write about Curly and Janie and Zero, because those aren't the characters I need. Well, Zero and Curly, yes. Janie isn't relevant.

Now, the character that would represent me is Zero. But Zero isn't right. She is the quiet side of me. I don't want the char to be shy and never talk, I want her to be the "tougher" side of me. (I know, every body's laughing.) So, though this is just a working name, I'm going to call her Teefer. (As a side note, teefer is my word for "someone who steals." I am not the only person in the world who says that, I have heard others.) The story behind her name is coming soon. (Maybe next post.)

Instead of Curly, I have a good name for the super butch girl in my story. Her name is Samoa. Not like the girl scout cookie. Most people call her S'mo for short, which is a word I use for "a great number." Firespitter was the first to say this to me.

Then there's a third character, not at all like Janie. She's kind of a mixture of two people I know. I call her Kaite (so now everybody knows one of the people I'm representing). Oh, those those girls with K names ...

The story is going to be about their love triangle. Kaite, the "new girl," falls head over heels for little Teef, who is in love with S'mo, who in turn falls for Kaite. How can any of them truly be happy when the girl they love loves someone else who couldn't possibly appreciate them? (if you know what I mean ... not quite sure how to convey that idea in writing.)

From SW

2007-01-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

"1- as soon as you get online-who's name do you look at first
2 - when you hear your phone ringing-who do u hope is calling
3 - when a love song comes on the radio-who's face comes to your mind
4 - who's name makes your heart skip a beat every time u hear it
5 - who is it that you always find yourself thinking about-wondering if they're thinking about you
6 - the whole time you were reading this bulletin, there was only one person on your mind.....

Repost this as "6 signs you're falling 4 someone" within the 5 minutes and the one who you answered to those questions will realize how much you mean to them tonight at 11:11 "

Well, we all know my answers to that one. I reposted it, so now I just have to wait until 11:11, right? :/ Somehow, I don't think it works like that. But obviously I have a glimmer of hope!

But unrequited love is unrequited. It's better like that, in my opinion. If she did love me, there would be problems, I can see it already.

You Love Me, But You Don't ....

2007-01-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

I'm sad to say that I broke with Katie. Even though it was a short realtionship compared to the others I've had (most relationships last a year or more, this one was about four or five months) I learned a lot.

Mostly, though, I learned more about what I want in a girlfriend. And about myself in general.

To be honest, I don't know how my mother (and the rest of my family) put up with me when I was a teenager. But I'm glad that I see the world differently now.

Of course, she also taught me that songs can change thier meaning. I searched and searched for a song that fit my feelings of having to break up with her. But most songs I listened to were about being broken up with, which is fine. But you know what? I don't really think I'm a jerk because of what I did. I admit, I should have gone about it differently, but as much as she cried, I know I did the right thing. The lesser of two evils.

Anyway, the song. 3 Doors Down. Let Me Go. There's a couple of lines that really rang true.

"I dream ahead to what I hope for,
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin' through?"

"No matter how hard I try,
I can't escape these things inside I know"

Also, on the way to Lakey Saturday I was writing down my feelings about the whole event (about a bazillion pages). I had my cd player, and I ran across a song that inspired one of my nano novels. But part of it hit me in the chest (or some metaphore). It kind of summed up the feelings about the relationship, though not the entire song, just a part. Though there were lots of reasons I broke up with Katie, this would have to be the most prominite (the song is "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson):

"I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing"

Christmas Spirit

2006-12-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

It's easy to see what Christmas is all about. The last few years, the holiday has been really mediocre. I thought maybe it was just because I wasn't a kid anymore. But this year I am so excited. It's the first year I've been on my own, but my whole family is getting together. Twimmie and KK came up from Lakey. Forget Christmas, hanging out with them is so much fun. Well, KK, anyway. Last night we played Ring Around the Rosie a bazillion times, and "Splooge," a game where you spin around in circles while holding a basket. "Let's Splooge, Aun'ie!"

But anyway, giving is good too. My secret santa person was SW. I was so happy to find that out, six months ago or whatever. I ended up buying her a book by Angelina Jolie, her favorite actress. She opened it -- she came back to the spare desk and hugged me. She kept telling me how cool I am, and that was the best present ever. Her mom even told me that "Maybe this will get her to read something besides National Enquirer."

Later, my mom, who kept bugging me with what SW thought of the book, asked Janie. She aparently said, (rolling her eyes, of course), "We have a threesome with Angelina Jolie."

Then there was later in the day, when Walker and I were walking. Every day, we see a guy whose name is "The Guy on Rollerskates With the Dog." Not really. His name is "Kent Clark." He just quit his job, so we won't see him much anymore. We (Walker and I) thought it would be fun to get him christmas cards. I made a really cool one, with a picture of his dog on rollerskates, pulling him through the air as he clings on for dear life.

When we meet up with Kent Clark, he was SO suprised. He kept saying thank you, and that he was lower than pond scum for not getting us something. (It didn't matter though. It's not like we were expecting anything.) But you know what he did do, he kissed me! (He kissed Walker too.) But it was SO funny. Me and Walker giggled about it all day.

(Waiting for) Absolution

2006-12-21T06:50:00.000-08:00

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

There’s Only One More Week ‘Til Christmas

2006-12-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

(Bonus points to anyone who knows the song. Oh, I do! Bonus points to me!)

I got all (as in every last piece) of my christmas shopping done yesterday. Everything is wrapped (except for the pictures I got for my family.)

Every last piece, bought and carefully wrapped, with a cute little bow on top ... except for my girlfriend. I know what I want to get her, but, um, let's just say I wouldn't be comfortable with her opening it on Christmas in front of either of our families. Well, I don't know her family, but I wouldn't want her to open in front of mine. Not because it's bad -- I just don't think they would understand the joke.

You know what? I just thought about a serious gift to get her. I should get both! I would tell you what it is, but I'm not sure if she still reads this, or if she'd read it in the next week.

It would be like writing what I got my uncles for christmas. Though I will say that I ended up wrapping both of their gifts together, though each one is clearly labled. I had a third part in there to share.

As for the pictures I got for my grandma, they are really cute. Relativly speaking, of course. I don't like looking at pictures of myself. But the look on my face ... between my smile and my eyes, I can tell you exactly what I was thinking.

Pictures, Part Two

2006-12-16T10:21:00.000-08:00

I have a feeling that I may be buying a lot of cameras now ... or just ask for one next year for Christmas. (We have to wait to see how the pictures turn out first.)

After dinner, I went outside and rehung up my christmas lights. I bought an extenstion cord, so I had to restring everything through my porch. My feet got cold, because I didn't put shoes on.

I then grabbed the camera, stood on my porch, and took a picture. I couldn't fit all the lights into it, so I decided to go downstairs for the picture.

Once in the hallyway, I promptly took a picture of my front door. I don't know why. Several steps later, I took a picture of my cool neighbor's front door. Maybe I'll claim that's mine, because he has stuff outside I frequently think about stealing. I wouldn't, though, don't worry.

I then decided to take a picture of the stairs.

Finally, I made it outside. I couldn't take a picture of just my porch, so my lazy neighbor's lights are also in picture. Rather than painstackingly loop the lights around the railing, they threw them on there, kind of like a figure 8. Lazyheads.

While I was downstairs, I took a picture of my other cool neighbor's lights, too. They flash.

On the way back up, I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself. (Because I'm funny looking, Debbie would say. Not my sis, Twim, but Debbie in the office.)

Pictures, Part One

2006-12-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

(Aka: The only part that's happened so far)

I went christmas shopping this evening, while waiting for my girlfriend to get off work. (I drove her home, 'cause I'm cool like that.) I got a camera. I've never had one before, but I wanted to be able to take pictures of my christmas lights for my uncles. Though maybe I'll take a picture of my neighbors and pretend they're mine. (Not really, though.)

First thing: I got home and wanted to try out the camera. I rip into the little cardboard box only to find that its wrapped in plastic. I try to get it out unsucessfully. I was worried it might take pictures it I pressed the wrong button. I finally got frustrated, and decided to make a corndog for dinner.

While it was in the microwave, I tried again to open it, finally mavoring it out of the packaging. Right off, I tried to take a picture. Nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing happened. Staring at the camera, I finally realize my mistake. I bet I had to wind it up first.

I tried taking a picture. It clicked. Whoa, that was easy, I thought, realizing I had just taken a picture of my boots.

I went into the bathroom and immediatly took a picture of my cat JB. I tried to find Hark, my little lover, but he wasn't interested. Weird, cause he usually comes running when I call his name. I tried to take a picture of him, but he moved. Finally, I got a picture that I hope will come out okay.

Suddenly, I remembered my corndog, and decided to go eat. Pictures of the lights could wait until after dinner ....

(aka, here I go)

"Don't You Wish It'd Go on Forever?"

2006-12-13T18:47:00.000-08:00

I just wish she wasn't kidding.

Clothes Shopping

2006-12-11T18:45:00.000-08:00

Today, I went shopping with my girlfriend. Normally, I try to avoid clothes shopping.

But it was fun. Really. Despite what everybody thinks. Although I did tell my girlfriend afterwards that I wanted to turn straight so I didn't have to go shopping again. (*I was just kidding, of course!*)

Actually, it was like shopping with my sister. But it was different because A) we didn't look at baby clothes and B) she's a lot more fun to hang out with than my sis.

Clothes are actually kind of weird. I mean, not the clothes themselves, but the styles. A lot of them I'd never wear. Never even touch, if I could help it.

There were a lot of people there. I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I try to avoid going places like that. It takes a lot not to take off running just so I can "escape." My girlfriend says I "blank out," but I don't think that's really what's going on in my head. Some how, when I'm panicked, I convince myself that if I go into my shell and pretend nobody in the world exists but me then everything will be okay.

Another thing: she pointed out that she was the one leading me around the store. I guess it's supposed to be the other way around. That actually remindes me to the oldest horoscope I can remember. It said something like, "you control other people by letting them think they're in control." I told my mom that, and she was like, "Yep. That's you." And though that was about a bazillion years ago, I think it's still true.

Writing Contest

2006-12-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

I found a cool writing contest yesterday, with the perfect prompt. It's basically how you would want your life to be. And we all know what I want. Time loop!

It's not an original idea, of course, but I'm sure nobody else is going to write a story about how their life would be if they got caught in one.

My favorite line so far:

"I'll be here tomorrow same time, same cup of coffee."
"Well, it will actually be a different cup of coffee."
"No, it will be the same one, I'm pretty sure."

How Special is your Name?

2006-12-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
61
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

People with the same name as the Sliders: None. At all. No wonder I couldn't find them in the phone book!

People with the same name as the MC's in Doctor Who: 120 named Rose Tyler. 230 named Mickey Smith. 0 named The Doctor. 0 named Doctor Who.

People with my code names: possibly 8, with a shortened form of one of the names.

Christmas

2006-11-26T13:18:00.000-08:00

The characters in my Nano novels (both this year and last) always celebrate Christmas the morning after the first snow of the season.

Yesterday was the first snow of the season. That makes today Christmas!

Of course, there's like 2 feet of snow outside that wasn't there last night. I feel trapped, and very very cold. I want to change into something else (like clean clothes!), but I am afraid I would freeze to death.

50 K

2006-11-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

So I made it to 50 thousand words. Good for me. If I edited it, it would probably be only 10 k. Seriously, you should read it.

Some of the best parts, in my opinion, are the ones I wrote mostly as word padding.

I'm no where near finished, though. I still have a lot of story left. Daniel just came in. So Ace and him still have to fight over Jack, Ace still has to be kidnapped and killed, there's still a big war that's unfought ...

Thankful

2006-11-24T06:02:00.000-08:00

Every Thanksgiving, I make a list of things I'm thankful for. Obviously, I can't list everything I'm thankful for.

Number one on my list this year is chocolate chip cookies.

Not that the list is in anyway orginzed by priority. Currently, I have fourty two things. Only because I'm distracted and doing more than listing what I'm thankful.

I'm kind of suprised, though, by the things I've listed. Most of them have to do with family/friends. Just random things.

I'm thankful I can make people laugh
I'm thankful people change (I really am.)
I'm thankful I don't have to lie about my feelings
I'm thankful I gave SW that love letter back in August (I still think that's the reason I met Kate in the first place, though that's really unrelated)
I'm thankful Janie told me not to pretend to love people
I'm thankful for compliments

Nanowrimo

2006-11-23T11:56:00.001-08:00

The latest dialog in my novel ... I had a thought walking yesterday about Quess teaching the children. Ace walks in, sees what she teaching her seven year old neice and freaks out.

Sex Ed.

After Ace recoveres, she looks at Quess and asks (in all seriousness) if she's teaching about orientation. (Which really doesn't matter in their world anymore, since they're not too many people and love has ceised to exist as far as the MCs are concerned.)

Quess lets Ace take over. In just over 1 k, she explains heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality and asexuality. She even spells all of the words for her young pupils.

The best part is when she's covering bisexuality, and mentions that Jack is bi. She then decides he's not the best example (now that I think of it, he's really more pansexual). Ace mentions to the children how in the Belonging Times, everyone thought bisexuals were s----

Quess runs and clamps her hand over Ace's mouth, yelling at her to not talk like that around the kids! (She then explains, very polietly, that straight people don't want to sleep with everyone of the opposite sex, gay people don't want to sleep with everyone of the same sex, so it's irrational to think that bi people want to sleep with everyone.)

Oh, yes, and she also covers romantic orentation, making it a point to say, "I once had a friend who was heterosexual and homoromantic ..."

Parts Three and Three Point One

2006-11-18T12:04:00.000-08:00

(A/N: This is based on events that happened pazackly one month ago today. Again, they're supposed to be funny, but aren't.)

P A R T T H R E E (A K A, “The Movie Store”)

Girl #1: Whoa. They have a lot of movies here. You’d think it’s a movie store.

Girl #2: It is.

Girl #1: Oh yeah. What should we get?

Girl #2: This one is about the fall of communism and the struggle to rebuild.

Girl #1: Hey, look! Life, Interrupted. I’ve seen that one!

Girl #2: Here’s one about the consequences of good and evil.

Girl #1: Hey, look! Last Shards. I’ve seen that one!

Girl #2: And here’s one about the fall of grace.

Girl #1: Hey, look! Trapped in Silence. I’ve seen that one!

Girl #2: I think it’s funny that every movie, all you have to say is that you’ve seen it.

Girl #1: I really like hair.

Girl #2: Do you like my hair?

Girl #1: Yeah. You have cool hair.

T H E E N D

P A R T T H R E E P O I N T O N E (A K A, “Later that night”)

Girl #1: I have an idea! Let’s talk through the movie, so I have no idea what it’s about!

Girl #2: All right. What should we talk about?

Girl #1: Oh, you know. Stuff.

Girl #2: Oh, okay. What are you looking for in a relationship?

Girl #1: What do you mean?

Girl #2: I mean, what are you looking for in a relationship?

Girl #1: What sort of an answer are you looking for?

Girl #2: The answer to what are you looking for in a relationship?

Girl #1: Oh, yeah. I like to make people laugh.

Girl #2: You make me laugh.

Girl #1: Yeah. Plus, we have a lot in common.

Girl #2: We sure do. So what do you think?

Girl #1: What do I think about what?

Girl #2: What do you think about us?

Girl #1: What about us?

Girl #2: About us dating.

Girl #1: Oh yeah. That’s a good question.

Girl #2: I mean, it’s okay if you just want to be friends. I was just wondering.

Girl #1: We could date. That’d be okay.

Girl #2: Cool. I can’t wait to go tell all my friends that I have a girlfriend.

Girl #1: I don’t have any friends, but I’ll be sure to mention you to my co-workers.

T H E E ND

A Now for A Quick Interruption

2006-11-15T06:26:00.000-08:00

(For you. You know who you are.)

Being Alive

Somebody hold me too close
Somebody hurt me too deep
Somebody sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive
Make me alive

Somebody need me too much
Somebody know me too well
Somebody pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive
Make me alive
Make me alive

Make me confused
Mock me with praise
Let me be used
Vary my days

But alone
Is alone,
Not alive

Somebody crowd me with love,
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you
To help us survive
Being alive

Part Two

2006-11-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

P A R T T W O (Also Known As “Monday”)

Girl #1: Well, here I am, minding my own business. Hey, there she is. I should go look at the newspaper.

Girl #2: Hi, you. How’s it going?

Girl #1: Oh, um, fine.

Girl #2: Let’s talk about funny things.

Girl #1: Cool. I like funny things.

Girl #2: We should talk about sad things, too.

Girl #1: Yeah, balance is important.

Girl #2: You know, if you go jogging more, you could solve world hunger.

Girl #1: No way.

Girl #2: Yep. Let’s hang out again sometime.

Girl #1: Sure.

T H E E N D

The "Real" Story

2006-11-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

(A/N: Darn plot bunnies. I was inspired by a story entitled S H O R T S on a Dr. Who forum thing. I was also inspired by real life. It's supposed to be funny. It's not.)

T H E S T O R Y

Girl #1: Well, here I am, minding my own buisness.
Girl #2: Hi! My name is #2.
Girl #1: I'm psychic and can sense you like musicals. What's your favorite?
Girl #2: My Fair Lady.
Girl #1: All fall down! I can also sense you like writing. What kind?
Girl #2: Dark fantasy.
Girl #1: Whoa. That's deep.
Girl #2: So how about hanging out some time?
Girl #1: Sure. But some place I know. I get lost easy.
Girl #2: Don't worry, it's on a really short street.

T H E E N D

(Stay tuned for Part Two, where Girl #1 and Girl #2 hang out!)

Edit: No matter how many times I try to make The Story and The End two different words, it won't post like that. Not with the spaces like that. But ... I want to be cool like the girl who wrote S H O R T S!)

Get This:

2006-11-11T16:47:00.000-08:00

I wrote another story. Yep. *Bangs head on keyboard* I'm s'posed to be working on my Nano novel! Grr. Darn these plot bunnies.

I used a weird voice though, to tell it. I picked third person limited. I don't think I've ever written in that one before. It was hard, considering I told the whole thing with absolutly no dialouge. I'm sure the characters talk to each other, but I was trying to allude to a very silent enviroment.

Word Count: 1606. I pounded it out in two hours, while surfing the internet and cleaning.

Plot: Basically, one girl helps another find herself.

~Spoilers~ (But it's not like I'm going to post it anyway, unless someone asks.)

Okay, aliens captured a bunch of humans. They have to exercise them, of course, so every day, they have to walk. The main character, who the one the POV is following, is called Slightly and she's a "Line Leader" meaning she leads everyone around the arena for an hour at a time. That's all the she does all day.

One day, she sees her old (not really ex-) girlfriend, Sarah Jane, fighting and arguing. She tries to help calm her down, but fails. The aliens take her away.

Several months later, she is training to become a Line Leader. (What a clever term there.) But she's not really doing it because that's what she wants to do. She just wants to be close to Slightly. Even though it's been almost eight years since Slight diasappeared.

Slightly's really tough on her. She forces her to do walk through mud and water, into walls and stuff.

Then comes dinner. A girl starts showing Slightly lots of affection, and Sarah Jane is mad. Turns out, Slightly and Charlie (I just love the name Charlie. It's the name of a girl I admire) are together, and that's why Slight hasn't returned Sarah Jane's affection. She's actually mad that Sarah hasn't let go of her after all that time. She still cares for her, but she rationalizes that if she had escaped, and gone back to Earth, she wouldn't have cried to see SJ in someone else's arms.

The days go on, and Slight is harder and harder on SJ and the humans that she's "walking." They get mad and start to rebel, but she beats them up.

One day, there is a new determination in her eyes. Sarah Jane is going to show up Slightly. And she does, too. Although she seems unhappy at first, Slighty is quick to prove that Sarah Jane can make it on her own. Good things immediatly follow.

So, Slightly was showing SJ tough love. This probably sounds like the dumbest thing ever.

Random Musings

Business Cards

Kyra Talking About the Carnival

Business Cards

Songs for People

50 K

Sticker from Nano

Today's Spotlight: Chico

Half Way Home

For QWEST

Note to self

Random Thoughts from Roo

To You

Voice Mail

TMC's "Reflections From Broadway"

character generator

word count

Dedication (from my novel)

Return of the Nano

Nano Update

QWEST Zine

Pre Nano

Rubix Cube

John Barrowman!

Preparing for Nano

Story

Z

Nanoism

story

Can't Sleep

Tegan and Sara

"Bringing Up Ben"

And the Nightmares Continue

Weird

So, What's New?

Somewhat Longer than Four Post-its.

John Barrowman, and the Sharp, Annoying Piano

There's Something I Want to Say

I'm Never Going to be Good Enough for You

Sometimes You can Still Loose, Even If You Really Try

Quote

The Meaning of Friendship

Fantasies Come True

Another Code Story

Answer

Random ...

Note:

I Need To Know

QWEST

Avenue Jew

Memoirs from Hanei's Lover

The Other Part of QWEST

The Better Part of QWEST

Last Night

.... Awful Close for Friends

ELF HUNTING!

The Characters

An Untitled Musical

The Best Meeting Ever

I Was Walking with a Ghost

Extra Short Stories

Some Girl

Who Better Than Me to Convince You You're Wrong?

QWEST

Reporting Live From Hackensack (part two)

Reporting Live From Hackensack (part one)

A Poem

Hackensack Interrupted

Jessie McFadden

Aventures of 007

Elf Qwest

An Idea

How *Not* to Write a Story

A Real Conversation

Shopping

A Thought

My Newest Story Idea

From SW

You Love Me, But You Don't ....

Christmas Spirit

How Not to Write a Story