Why I Jumped Off a Bridge

I want to start by saying that I survived. If that bugs you, stop reading now. It has a happy ending.

I also want to mention that while I am not kidding, I am also not suicidal.

And third: I had two cups of coffee. I spent most of the day skipping in the pouring rain singing scales. I was the happiest car washer in the US, and probably the world. I didn't check into Canada, though.

So anyway, I was washing this van that I'll call . . . #987.

The City of Lacey does not have a truck #987! And he's not even a truck! I am making this up to protect its identity!

Anyway, I had thought that #987 was going to be a quick two-hour job. No such luck. Today was the first day of the rainy season here, and it's been pouring all day. This means the trees were sheding like crazy. And it was covered in sap. It took me well over an hour to get the outside done, and I wasn't really finished. But I had half an hour til break, so I began vaccuming the truck. That's when I noticed that the insides were mud clad.

No problem, says I. I won't wash the insides. It's not like the driver will notice. Actually . . . okay, I'd do it, but it would take me the rest of the day.

Content with the idea, I opened the passenger door, and almost began banging my head into the nearest concreate wall. Not only was it mud clad, but it had coffee stains, chloride stains AND MORE stuck inside.

My hopes quickly sank. This was more than two hours work. This would take DAYS! I let out a blood-curling scream.

Which scared the heck out of "Shard." Same deal. He needed me to move #987 so that he could get on the rack. No big deal, I guess, but that truck's hard to back up, to the point that I had to go forward.

Anyway, I go into the shop about ten minuets early to break. I tell Harry: "How about I finished #987 tomorrow? I can take it back after break and grab #986."

"Wait--what? You want to take this one back and finish it tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Okay." (I was suprised he so readily agreed.)

"Good. Because otherwise I would have had to jump off a bridge."

On my way out after break I called over my shoulder "If I'm not back by 4:30, call the police." Harry gave me a weird look, but I thought nothing of it. I often say that, in case I get kidnapped at City Hall. Beware ALL kidnappers! They will notice I'm gone! I've trained them well! I didn't realize how that sounded with the threat I'd previously made.

So I explained when I got back. While I was entirely serious in my threat, I was exagerating. I would really have just hit my head until I passed out, which my niece has been known to do.