Update

Maybe I should have two seperate blogs: one for whatever, and one for Nano. I will have to think about it.)

Last night, I went off on a writing spree, about what's happening in my life, and why I couldn't tell people how I feel. I came up with this:

It lead me to believe this: if I tell people that I'm dating a girl, they'll think I'm a lesbian. So what if I end up marrying [a boy]? What will other's think?

And then:

Okay, do you want to know the real reason? I"m afraid if I tell people I'm gay, they'll say, "No, you're not."

Because, like, Crazytalk, Red wasn't enough. I'm not curious, or questioning. I know how I feel.

That's why. If I said that, people would tell me I'm confused. That I'm just saying that because of my gay friends. Which is untrue. I can still remember the exact moment I thought "oh my god, I'm a lesbian." I felt so guilty, that how I felt was wrong despite my friends.