You Love Me, But You Don't ....

I'm sad to say that I broke with Katie. Even though it was a short realtionship compared to the others I've had (most relationships last a year or more, this one was about four or five months) I learned a lot.

Mostly, though, I learned more about what I want in a girlfriend. And about myself in general.

To be honest, I don't know how my mother (and the rest of my family) put up with me when I was a teenager. But I'm glad that I see the world differently now.

Of course, she also taught me that songs can change thier meaning. I searched and searched for a song that fit my feelings of having to break up with her. But most songs I listened to were about being broken up with, which is fine. But you know what? I don't really think I'm a jerk because of what I did. I admit, I should have gone about it differently, but as much as she cried, I know I did the right thing. The lesser of two evils.

Anyway, the song. 3 Doors Down. Let Me Go. There's a couple of lines that really rang true.

"I dream ahead to what I hope for,
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin' through?"

"No matter how hard I try,
I can't escape these things inside I know"

Also, on the way to Lakey Saturday I was writing down my feelings about the whole event (about a bazillion pages). I had my cd player, and I ran across a song that inspired one of my nano novels. But part of it hit me in the chest (or some metaphore). It kind of summed up the feelings about the relationship, though not the entire song, just a part. Though there were lots of reasons I broke up with Katie, this would have to be the most prominite (the song is "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson):

"I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing"