Can't Sleep

I want to say. I really do. I'm so scared. All right, so it's always been like this. Some times are easier than others. Is this worse? who knows? I'm getting careless. I mean, I really don't care. just ask, right? They don't care either. And what could they possibly do anyway? I don't believe they could change anything. People are ignorant anyway. Like they really believe they stories they tell.

Except my mom. she knew. She was so nonchalant. And I lied to her anyway. By omission.

I want to write about it in horrible, graphic detail, as though putting it on paper will make it disappear. It's no story, I know exactly. Exactly.

I feel like one of those chicken or egg puzzles. Did I stop sleeping because of this, or did this happen because I couldn't sleep? endless. And just when I think the circle stops, the world comes crashing back down around my ears.

I know that if I don't "out" myself soon, someone else will. sooner rather than later, i hope. I want them to know. I just want it to stop.