For QWEST

Because I hardly ever talk. Actually, because this was the first time I was there and I was actually bursting to talk. But I thought it was kind of off-subject. So here it is.



I don't understand why coming out has to be a big deal. I mean, I know that it is, but I don't know why it has to be. I try so hard to figure out what the difference between hetero- and homosexuality is.

Let me clarify. This is my understanding: hetero: girl likes boy. Homo: girl likes girl (or boy likes boy).

That's it. That's the difference. So why is it such a big deal when someone is gay? Why does everyone get so freaked out? (By everyone, let me clarify, I do not mean literally everyone. I mean the people who freak out.) I mean, what do they think the difference is? Is there some difference between hetero and homo relationships that I'm not aware of?

This is how I think it should be. Little Eliza Jane comes home after school, and says something like, "Can I have a friend over for dinner? And we're kind of dating, so don't embarrass me in front of him, okay?"

Mom's all like, "Sure, whatever, sweetheart. But I'm making liver and onions for dinner."

Next week, little Eliza Jane comes home after school, and say, "Me and Little Jimmy broke up. But now I'm dating this really cool girl, is it okay if she comes over for dinner?"

"Of course, sweetheart. But I'm making meat surprise for dinner."

What does it really matter who anyone's attracted to? I'm not saying that everyone should be bisexual, I just don't understand why they have to make such a big deal out it if you aren't straight.

Maybe I just watch too much Captain Jack. "You people and your quaint categories."

QWEST Zine

QWEST

I've been thinking a lot about Monday night ... I'm really embarrased to say exactly what we did, but we made a mural for international women's day. It was a nice poster. Very deep.

But my mom used to beat me for drawing things like that.

Even though there was no topic of conversation, I left with a tremedious amount of emotion to sort through. And then there was a conversation I overheard between two of my friends.

But the most importaint thing was something Ro said regaurding self image.

And then the other thing, more regaurding the conversation, is about children, and what we're teaching them. How we're teaching them. KK in particular, since she's the only kid I feel I have any influence on. What do I say to her?

The Other Part of QWEST

Last night's subject was relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but all types. Family, friends, etc. Some of the questions were ... weird. I think I'm too young for stuff like that.

Oh, but I talked with Rebekah. She's pretty cool. Got cool hair anyway. And I talked to Ro. She's cool too. (Don't worry, there are uncool people, but I don't talk to them.)

And I talked some. Nothing brilliant, but whatever. At least they are aware that I am physically capable of doing so.

The Better Part of QWEST

I have a bit to say about QWEST, but much of it would focus on Ramsey, who I mentioned the other day. So, rather than do that, I will post a bit of a song that pretty well sums how I feel. If you want more details, just ask me. But it's pretty boring.

So. This is a song from Avenue Q. Not quite the way the singer sings it, but then again, she's not gay. Okay:

She likes me
I think she likes me
But does she "like me" like me
Like I like her?
Will we be friends? Or something more?
I think she's interested, but I'm not sure ...

Last Night

So, last night I was sitting with Katie. Which I probably shouldn't have been, because I don't need anyone. But where do you go when you can't go home?

I digress. I was telling her about my plans for the week, and mentioned a date on Thursday. She's like, "What?" I was kidding, of course, and told her as much. But I could always ask one of the girls at QWEST. It's not like they'd say yes.

But Kate gave me a very serious look. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

The Best Meeting Ever

I don't know if I really agree. But it was pretty fun.

The subject was "religion" which was really, really interesting. My head hurt from thinking so hard that I had to take a break in the middle of it. I don't remember exactly what I was thinking about, but at least it was actually about the subject in question. It was interesting to think about why people turn to religion.

And there was a cool finale.

I didn't go elf hunting though. Which is a subject I shall have to bring up later. It leads to interesting possiblities. A code within a code.

I Was Walking with a Ghost

Last night, Kate asked me to drop by her work to see her new hair. Well, not new, but whatever. So, though I already had plans, I went.

We talked a bit, and I gave her a necklace I made her. Very flamboyant (which means "richly colored". She wouldn't even wear it. (Not that I blame her. I wear my own under my sweatshirt.)

I know people are impressed at my jewelry making skills. But I wanted one just like SW has. Okay, so the ones I made look nothing like hers. But homemade is better. And you know what I used? I couldn't find beads that were the colors I wanted except in the children's section. Maybe we are trying to brainwash our children. I found some "activity beads" (that's what they're labled). They're supposed to be for ironing so they form cool shapes or something.

But this isn't about me. So, after we put her necklace back together, she said something about how we were going to meet up on Monday (for QWEST). I was like, "yep."

And then she made a comment about how I "pretended to be so cool." What was I supposed to say? And what the heck did she mean by pretend?? Unable to provide a good answer I turned around and left. (I was late anyway.) All I could think was "girls," as I shook my head, amused.

"Her mind's made up, the girl is gone ..."

Who Better Than Me to Convince You You're Wrong?

I just wanted to note that I was going through my life (or the archives or whatever you want to call them). And I realized what a blatant liar I was. So I edited some stuff out. If any one's curious, most of them were in August, and clearly noted.

At least I was lying for the greater good.


In any case, the whole subject makes me think of a story from QWEST. I shall do my best to retell it the way the guy did in the first place. (I forget his name) :

Ever since I was, like, five, my parents thought I was gay. When my dad caught me with my girlfriend, I thought he was going to cry.

I can just see myself being the parent in this story. Except the "parent" part. I know, I know. My mom tells me all the time that that could change. But I ain't becoming pregnant. But in any case, there is a little girl that I know, who happens to be related to me, that I really want to grow up to be, (what is the politically correct word?) not straight. I think it's her destiny.

And yes, I am a psycho.


Edit: Seven hits today? Declare yourself!

QWEST

I found that QWEST continues to leave me much to think about, perhaps not because of the subject of discussion, but because of the social interaction it provides.

I smoked while I climbed a bazillion flights of stairs, with a slightly better idea of where I was going than last week. I marveled over the disposable ashtray it came with.

For a while, I hung out on the stairs. I could hear the girls below, so I just text messaged my mother. (But don't tell anybody it was my mother. Somehow, when other people are texting, I don't think they are writing their parents.)

As I stood there, a girl walked by. She waved at me. I said hi. We ended up talking before the club started. Quite a bit, in fact. Her name is Ramsey.

Halfway through the meeting, Katie came in. I kinda didn't think she was going to come, in the same way I knew that SW wasn't going to come. At that moment, I really wanted to go outside and smoke. I don't think anyone would have missed me.

And I further convinced her that SW is just a figment of my imagination. We all know I am running an expiriment about that anyway. Probably everybody thinks she's just a figment, even though I've talked about her in this blog at least since August.

Anyway, I shall go back next week and socilaize even more. If I could talk while the club is actually meeting (besides the introduction at the beginning where I basically say, "I'm Roowey, and I like to jump off cliffs") I would have it made.

Elf Qwest

My new year's resolution was to meet more people. Or socialize more. Or something.

SW introduced me to myspace (which I only joined because she was one it, of course). Actually, myspace is kind of cool. I found a lot of kids I went to school with.

In any case, one of the clubs that SW is part of is actually held every Monday at Western. So I thought, I should go. After all, every body's been telling me I should go to a club with similar interests, and hey! I have similar interests to the people on myspace.

I emailed one of them, asking for a couple of question. She ended up giving me directions (ones even I could understand) and told me that I should come.

I scribbled them down and promptly showed them to everybody at work, trying to clarify the correctness of the notes. The Evil Dude was actually the one who helped me the most, when he pointed out that "towards downtown" was a different direction than I thought.

Of course, they asked what kind of a club it was. Generally, I claimed not to know. But if they insisted, I told them it was an "elf club." I told SW that it was for a bunch of people to get together and hunt elves (if only that was true!). She knew that was just a code.

The club is called QWEST. (Kind of like ElfQuest ...) It stands for Queer Women Educating and Supporting Together. And it was pretty cool.

As I was wondering around campus (trying to look like I knew where I was going, even if I didn't), and I saw two girls talking. As I passed them, I realized that I knew one of them. Her name is Ro, short for Rochelle. I had visited her myspace page 10 bazillion times. (Okay, not really.) But I knew that she was the moderator of QWEST, and one of SW's "friends." It was totally weird to recognise her.

But it kind of reminds me of a movie I was watching with Katie last week. They were in a club or something, and the MC goes up to a man and says, "You're on MySpace!"

Anyway, the subject of the meeting was queer culture, which I had nothing really to say about. I know about two lesbians. You can decide which two I mean (SW, Kate, or Janie).

But I guess I left with a lot to think about. And I think I'll go back next week. Maybe I'll actually participate.

The best part is, I made my mom happy. She said she's proud of me.